so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
