I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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