He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
