i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
