i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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