Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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