The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Two words: nipple clamps
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