who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Fuck appropriateness.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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