all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
