Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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