I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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