I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We are two peas in an std pod
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
