she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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