So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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