Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
