Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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