My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
