Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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