Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
