My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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