No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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