The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
