dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
