I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
