Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
