she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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