i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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