My cat gives me a boner
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
