Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
