What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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