This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
