This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
