Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
