wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
