You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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