I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
