i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
