Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
