matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
