Can Purell be used as lube?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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