I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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