At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
be right there i have to get my cape
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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