I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
