Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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