If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
