the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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