Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
