also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
