i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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