At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
