Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
