Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
