if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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