i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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