help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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