Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
