I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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