She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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