the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
In America we eat man semen.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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