She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
