went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
