Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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