An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize